I'm in a funk. We've all been there, so you know it's not pretty. I just had the television on for like, 4 episodes of Once Upon a Time while I "worked" on blog stuff and simultaneously made fun of the terrible show that I could not turn off. I also ate yogurt with a piece of cookie dough in it for lunch with a side of lukewarm chicken while I read an article about how super duper weekend detoxes are. #greenjuice
Know what I mean?
Oh, and the worst part about being in a funk is that you tend to berate yourself for being in a funk. You think all these thoughts about how lazy you are and how you're going to have to "start over" if you ever work out again and how now is definitely not the time to reward yourself with food. And please don't try to use Instagram or read other people's blogs to get "inspiration" to get out of the funk because honey, that's where comparison rears it's ugly head and that is a downward spiral that we just can't handle right now.
Here's what I think is happening: I want to control my life and I can't. So I fire back with, "Ha! I'll sit on this couch and watch TV and eat crap and not shower ALL DAY if I have to." That'll show...me.
Thirty minutes ago I'd almost fallen asleep on that couch and I noticed that my thoughts were shifting to a really negative self-talk. Just when I was about to drift off, something shook me and I sat straight up, went to the sink and washed my face. I felt indignant—brave, even. Maybe 4 hours of watching heroes save a fairy-tale world inspired me, after all.
Or maybe I woke up for real, this time.
So I didn't have control where I slept the last 3 months? I had a place to sleep. And one of those places was with family in Australia on one of the absolute best trips of my life. Get OVER IT, Brittany.
So traffic is an inconvenience to me and we need another car? We have a great car that works and gets us where we need to be. And an extra hour in the car with my husband is better than anywhere else alone.
So money is tight? We have family that supports us, we have jobs that provide. And it won't always be this way.
So family is far away? I can talk to someone in my family every day. I can see their faces. They love us enough to send us out here with encouragement and happiness. We will never be without family.
So I ate too many cookies last night? Seriously, just shut up, Brittany. You've been through this and you've come out the other side of it. And you know what else? You've seen people without food from all the way across the world to right outside where you live. Just stop it.
I could go on. Maybe it's counting my blessings or looking at my life with a little perspective. I know that it's really hard to help people if you're broken. And when I really get down to it? I don't want to get out of the funk for myself, but the people around me. If I'm in a bad mood, it's affects my husband. It keeps me from seeing the needs of other people when I'm too focused on my own. This is not to say that you shouldn't give attention and care to a deep-seeded issue. In fact, what I'm saying is that taking care of ourselves allows us to care better for others. And at the very least, it spares them from our nasty mood.
Fifteen minutes ago Matty called me and he could tell I was upset. I told him we'd talk about it when he got home and we hung up with a sadness in our voices. It was like an infection had spread and I knew that if I sulked for 45 minutes until he got home, I'd be far worse off. He'd be far worse. We might fight. I'd complain about the cookies and naps that tried to take me hostage.
I decided that I'm not having that.
I put my hair up (because I mean business), downed a bottle of water (#detox), boiled some water with lemon (more #detox), and sat down to write. Ultimate #detox.
So maybe this is for me, after all. But if I'm okay, then that's one more person in the world that's happy, and happy spreads even faster than funks do if you give it attention. Just ask the Star Wars mask lady.
Hope everyone has a really great (funk-less) weekend :)