Remember last week when I said I was looking forward to Week 4? Oh boy, did I speak too soon. This was the week that threatened to do me in. This was the week that I faced the mountain. Literally. This was the week that burgers and cookies and fried things and sugary things whispered sweet nothings in my ear.
It was also the week that I learned the most thus far. So much of this journey is inward, and I found myself reflecting on it quite a bit. It's typically at this point where you want to see physical results—or else. That was me, and I knew I needed to do something to get through to the other side.
So rather than push through or make my motto "trust the process" (which I do believe), I decided to be kind to myself. This week was about loving myself through it. Here are a few inward responses that I found myself repeating when the ugly wanted to take over:
"You have rolls."
"Your body is beautiful and you're working really hard. Be proud."
"That workout should have been a lot easier for you."
"Every day you're growing stronger. Focus on the seed you're planting today."
"You shouldn't have eaten that burger/ice cream/cookie/pizza..."
"You're a grown-ass woman and you are the only person who decides what to eat and not eat. Enjoy it for what it is and stop when you're satisfied. This will not stop you from reaching your goal. Tomorrow, simply decide not to eat it."
Last week I decided that I wanted to sweat more in Week 4. I started off great with some running and cardio/full body routines. I only worked out 4 days this week...sorry. I just looked back at that sentence. Working out 4 days a week is pretty dang great, and here I am, feeling like a failure about it. Let's start over.
I worked out 4 days this week because I am amazing.
Matty and I went to visit my sister, Rachel, and her husband, Jake in Colorado on Saturday. I did a few stretches on her yoga mat to ease the plane ride and it was pretty fun to see how far I've come in a few weeks. I was able to create my own mini-flow that suited my needs and I felt loose and energized after only 10 minutes.
On Sunday they took us for a hike in the mountains and it was a dream. We saw a family of deer and where the trolls lived probably in The Hobbit.
This is where it gets real. It was a very healthy week until Friday night. Matty was working so I decided to eat all that was left in the fridge before we left town: three eggs, a few paleo pancakes, and an entire head of broccoli. And some chocolate.
Let's just say, the broccoli backfired the next day. Sorry, lady who sat next to me on the plane.
When we arrived in Denver, I ended the day with a double hatch pepper cheeseburger and fries. Halfway through the ice cream cone on the car ride home I had to stop because my stomach literally closed for business. It definitely wasn't the best feeling, but I still chose to be kind to myself. That burger tasted like heaven and I make no apologies for it. I also make no claims to "deserve" it. I wanted it, and I ate it. All of it.
The hardest part of indulging is that it makes your resolve a little bit weaker. I'll admit that the few days following, I was not at my peak in terms of food decisions. It's for that reason that my goal in Week 5 is not to eat less bad things, or more greens, or only certain foods; my goal is to regain strength in my resolve.
I think I've covered this pretty well, but let's re-cap:
This week was hard, but I was nice to myself.
This week was hard, but it's not going to derail me.
This week was hard, but I had a blast and I'm thankful for the life I lead.
This week was hard, but I still win.